You know, we talk about in life how there are signs for things. Like signs of fate or signs for us to be warned of something or someone. Well check this sign out: on Monday, I was bored so I decided to go on gay.com to kill some time and I hadn’t been on there in ages. Anyway, I met this guy name Ahmet, nice, doctoral student. Anyway, we chatted about smoking bud (and Happy 4/20 Everyone!), and how he hadn’t done in ages, so since I was bored, I was like ‘lets hang, get a drink, smoke, whatever.’ So, we hung out, it was fun, he’s a nice guy. Sent him a text last night saying hi and that it was nice to hang again, as friends only of course. He writes back this morning saying ‘definitely. Oh, and I also met your ex’…wtf? I called him, turns out that on Wednesday he went on gay.com and met up with someone, they got a drink, and when this guy was talking about how he just broke up with his ex, Ahmet says ‘wait, is your ex ADW?’…well, it turns out that the guy was TA. I said it before, but I’ll say it again…WTF? how f'in small of a world is this? i hate it!
When you break up with someone who you still love and still care about and think about, you don’t want to believe that they exist. You want to think that they have fallen off the face of this earth so that you will never hear about them or see them. This reminds me of last year when I was feeling the EXACT SAME THING. Then TA goes and sends me an email saying hi (again, a year ago), and that he misses me and he hopes I am well. I died a little bit inside when he sent that, and I died a lil bit today when Ahmet sent the text.
Of course I want to call TA more than anything. I want to tell him so many things. I want him to know that my heart hurts and that I am miserable. Jiller says that I won’t stop being sad or upset until I meet someone else in time, who will make me happy, and not to replace TA, but to take my mind off of him, but dating right now is not what I want. Don’t want anyone to take his place because no one ever will be able to…and anyway, I have zeeeeeero desire to start dating. It’s just not my M.O.
Questions? Thoughts? Suggestions? Psychiatric references?
ugh.
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i'm gay. sometimes i think i'm fabulous. i'm not a publicist.
2 comments:
I disagree with 'Jiller'... No one ever "takes someone else's place." Other people come along and new feelings are born, but the old ones never truly go away, they just become less important.
Publicist - this isn't the right time to hear this, but someday it will be... each time you love you open yourself up; you give a piece of yourself away and you get a piece of someone else in return. You will never be the same as you were before you loved, but ask yourself "Do you want to be?"
BTW - It does suck and I am sorry it happened!
cheer up charlie. seriously, i know it must suck. please, this almost happened to me and i bawled my eyes out. and it only almost happened.
anyway, i heard this once and itll probably be only good for a small chuckle:
the best way to get over a man is to get under another one.
you do what you gotta do when youre ready to do it. in the meantime, im around to partAy!
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