on sex and the city, every gay man's favorite show, the ladies of new york stated that when you break up with someone, the healing time is supposed to equate to half the length of the relationship that just ended. in my case, half the time (7 months) would be 3.5 months. am i supposed to have moved on by then? should i feel like a new person?
when certain benchmarks pass you by, like the one-week mark or one-month mark, i think to myself, 'yes mr. publicist, you are making progress', but in actuality, i'm really just crossing off days on my calendar. i don't think that there should be a set standard as to when you are supposed to feel better or move on or what not.
i don't know, i just don't feel like i am where i should be. i still think about TA all the time, and i am sure that this is normal, and everyday, yes, it does get a little easier, but its still quite hard on me...i still skip past certain songs on my ipod when they come up, because they make me think of him. when i hear west side story, when i think of brazil, when i pass by del posto, when i hear the name Frank Gehry i think of him. i know this probably means nothing to most if not all of you, but it means soo much to me. i avoid certain areas of the village because i fear that i will run into him, and burst into tears. clearly i miss him a lot still.
we ended on good terms, but with the exception of a quick email, we haven't really spoken since doomsday. i know that i am not at all ready for a relationship (duh), nor do i want one right now, and i do want to speak to him, but i don't think i'm ready for that either. i hope i don't sound like an emotional fool, but this being my first real hardcore relationship, i'm still working out the kinks of the aftermath i guess.....
i'm a mess, i know. hello! i'm 26, i'm not a little school girl hung up on the captain of the football team. this is someone who i was in love with, and the feelings returned. when did i grow up? when did i become an adult who was in an adult relationship? when will the lambs stop crying! ahhh!
(side note: going to see her madgesty on thursday...holla!)
27 June 2006
09 June 2006
where have you been mr. publicist?
well, i've been here, i've been there, i've been almost everywhere.
the past 2 months have been pretty hard on me. first, TA and I break up. i brought up the idea, but it was a mutual decision. one that i hated to make, but i know that in the long run it will be for the best. i really don't want or need to get into it, but i truely love him and care about him, and it just wasn't working out. i know that he and i will be great friends down the line, and if you are reading this TA, i hope you know how i feel about you and how I will always feel about you.
following that, the support from all of my friends and my awesome parents has been great. i couldn't have gotten through this without all of your love and kind wishes. there are 3 people in particular who have been simply amazing throughout, T, LK and J/DC.
Sadly, both T and LK are leaving me. T will be leaving NYC in the fall to go to the left coast to pursue his life and to follow his heart, and although i will miss him with all of my heart, i know that this is what he needs, and i know that the part of him that will make him complete is waiting for him in SF.
LK will also be making the leap from NYC coming towards the end of the summer, moving back to the ATL where she is from. LK is such a wonderful person, and has one of the most genuine souls out there. although we haven't spent as much time together as either of us would like, i think that there is a deep bond there. she is truely a giver a fabulous and fun friend, and she will be missed dearly.
J/DC. where do i start with him. my first boyfriend. my first true love, and my eternal friend. i feel so blessed to have him in my life. we dated for a very short period when i was in college, and since then he has morphed from ex-boyfriend into a figure of guidance, love, advice and support for me, and he holds a very deep place in my heart and he always will.
Sadly, a horrible incident happened to J/DC 2 weeks ago, and he was attacked, beaten up and mugged on the streets in DC. Words cannot express how you feel when you know that someone very close to you was pushed to the edge of life for a few dollars by three horrible men with a gun. J/DC, i wish you the speediest of recoveries.
So thats where I have been. I've had my ups, I've had my downs. I've been high, I've been low. Expect more posts on a more frequent basis, and please make comments, I love to hear them!
the past 2 months have been pretty hard on me. first, TA and I break up. i brought up the idea, but it was a mutual decision. one that i hated to make, but i know that in the long run it will be for the best. i really don't want or need to get into it, but i truely love him and care about him, and it just wasn't working out. i know that he and i will be great friends down the line, and if you are reading this TA, i hope you know how i feel about you and how I will always feel about you.
following that, the support from all of my friends and my awesome parents has been great. i couldn't have gotten through this without all of your love and kind wishes. there are 3 people in particular who have been simply amazing throughout, T, LK and J/DC.
Sadly, both T and LK are leaving me. T will be leaving NYC in the fall to go to the left coast to pursue his life and to follow his heart, and although i will miss him with all of my heart, i know that this is what he needs, and i know that the part of him that will make him complete is waiting for him in SF.
LK will also be making the leap from NYC coming towards the end of the summer, moving back to the ATL where she is from. LK is such a wonderful person, and has one of the most genuine souls out there. although we haven't spent as much time together as either of us would like, i think that there is a deep bond there. she is truely a giver a fabulous and fun friend, and she will be missed dearly.
J/DC. where do i start with him. my first boyfriend. my first true love, and my eternal friend. i feel so blessed to have him in my life. we dated for a very short period when i was in college, and since then he has morphed from ex-boyfriend into a figure of guidance, love, advice and support for me, and he holds a very deep place in my heart and he always will.
Sadly, a horrible incident happened to J/DC 2 weeks ago, and he was attacked, beaten up and mugged on the streets in DC. Words cannot express how you feel when you know that someone very close to you was pushed to the edge of life for a few dollars by three horrible men with a gun. J/DC, i wish you the speediest of recoveries.
So thats where I have been. I've had my ups, I've had my downs. I've been high, I've been low. Expect more posts on a more frequent basis, and please make comments, I love to hear them!
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