30 April 2007
23 April 2007
rainy days and sundays
so, LS (lil steve for all you newcomers) had his 25th Birthday Spectacular/Fiesta/Extravaganza/Liver-Killer this weekend. 25 drinks in 25 hours. It was fun, I got nice and drunk, met a guy who I had worked on a event with in person for the first time (we had only conversed on calls and via email, so it was nice to finally put a face to an email signature), and I woke up with a nice hangover yesterday. i mean, i started at 7pm, and lasted until around 1:30am, i think i put in a good show, no?
It was stunning out yesterday, and close to 80 (as it will be today…holla! walked around the city, which was kinda sad because i realized that it would have been a great day to be with TA. I called Nikki in CA and told her I was depressed and that I wanted to be walking around with him, and that it was a perfect day to be with your boyfriend or loved one, and she said 'well, it's not going to happen'...kinda blunt, but so truthful. i have to recognize that it's over and that as much as I want him to be walking around with me, it really is not going to happen. It sucks, it’s a reality I have to accept.
i walked to marc jacobs and went on a bit of a spree there, because you know that spending money always makes you feel better!
afterwards, i went to the eagle last night with my handsome roomy ACME, and PB (Power Bottom…remember that nickname??) and his new bffffff who is his twin, and I like him. Nice guy! Go PB! Yay! It was perfect night to hang out on their roofdeck for $3 beers. Can’t beat that! it's a fun place...
took this of the IAC building yesterday, what an amazing beautiful day!
It was stunning out yesterday, and close to 80 (as it will be today…holla! walked around the city, which was kinda sad because i realized that it would have been a great day to be with TA. I called Nikki in CA and told her I was depressed and that I wanted to be walking around with him, and that it was a perfect day to be with your boyfriend or loved one, and she said 'well, it's not going to happen'...kinda blunt, but so truthful. i have to recognize that it's over and that as much as I want him to be walking around with me, it really is not going to happen. It sucks, it’s a reality I have to accept.
i walked to marc jacobs and went on a bit of a spree there, because you know that spending money always makes you feel better!
afterwards, i went to the eagle last night with my handsome roomy ACME, and PB (Power Bottom…remember that nickname??) and his new bffffff who is his twin, and I like him. Nice guy! Go PB! Yay! It was perfect night to hang out on their roofdeck for $3 beers. Can’t beat that! it's a fun place...
took this of the IAC building yesterday, what an amazing beautiful day!
20 April 2007
seriously, this sucks.
You know, we talk about in life how there are signs for things. Like signs of fate or signs for us to be warned of something or someone. Well check this sign out: on Monday, I was bored so I decided to go on gay.com to kill some time and I hadn’t been on there in ages. Anyway, I met this guy name Ahmet, nice, doctoral student. Anyway, we chatted about smoking bud (and Happy 4/20 Everyone!), and how he hadn’t done in ages, so since I was bored, I was like ‘lets hang, get a drink, smoke, whatever.’ So, we hung out, it was fun, he’s a nice guy. Sent him a text last night saying hi and that it was nice to hang again, as friends only of course. He writes back this morning saying ‘definitely. Oh, and I also met your ex’…wtf? I called him, turns out that on Wednesday he went on gay.com and met up with someone, they got a drink, and when this guy was talking about how he just broke up with his ex, Ahmet says ‘wait, is your ex ADW?’…well, it turns out that the guy was TA. I said it before, but I’ll say it again…WTF? how f'in small of a world is this? i hate it!
When you break up with someone who you still love and still care about and think about, you don’t want to believe that they exist. You want to think that they have fallen off the face of this earth so that you will never hear about them or see them. This reminds me of last year when I was feeling the EXACT SAME THING. Then TA goes and sends me an email saying hi (again, a year ago), and that he misses me and he hopes I am well. I died a little bit inside when he sent that, and I died a lil bit today when Ahmet sent the text.
Of course I want to call TA more than anything. I want to tell him so many things. I want him to know that my heart hurts and that I am miserable. Jiller says that I won’t stop being sad or upset until I meet someone else in time, who will make me happy, and not to replace TA, but to take my mind off of him, but dating right now is not what I want. Don’t want anyone to take his place because no one ever will be able to…and anyway, I have zeeeeeero desire to start dating. It’s just not my M.O.
Questions? Thoughts? Suggestions? Psychiatric references?
ugh.
When you break up with someone who you still love and still care about and think about, you don’t want to believe that they exist. You want to think that they have fallen off the face of this earth so that you will never hear about them or see them. This reminds me of last year when I was feeling the EXACT SAME THING. Then TA goes and sends me an email saying hi (again, a year ago), and that he misses me and he hopes I am well. I died a little bit inside when he sent that, and I died a lil bit today when Ahmet sent the text.
Of course I want to call TA more than anything. I want to tell him so many things. I want him to know that my heart hurts and that I am miserable. Jiller says that I won’t stop being sad or upset until I meet someone else in time, who will make me happy, and not to replace TA, but to take my mind off of him, but dating right now is not what I want. Don’t want anyone to take his place because no one ever will be able to…and anyway, I have zeeeeeero desire to start dating. It’s just not my M.O.
Questions? Thoughts? Suggestions? Psychiatric references?
ugh.
17 April 2007
it's a long time coming...
well, to my loyal readers (all 3 of you, and you know who you are!), i'm back. my life has been nothing if not topsy turvy since i last posted, and i'm not going to bother you all with a long and detailed history, but i'll give you a brief update.
lets see, where to begin. in an episode reminiscent of almost exactly 1 year ago, TA (that's 'The Australian' for you all you newbies!) and I have broken up. I wish that I had a better reasoning than "it just wasn't working out", but thats really what it was. He was working too much, and I wanted too much, and neither of our needs were being met. once again, i had to break up with the man who i was in love with, and after putting so much into it for a year and a half, it was harder than i could have ever expected.
We haven't spoken since our breakup, which is how it should be. you can't seamlessly go from boyfriends to friends just like that, you know? you need time to like, grieve the relationship before you can accept someone as friends and friends only. i miss him horribly, and i think about him constantly. i wear the beautiful necklace that he gave me every day, and i think about him when i put it on. i even give it a little kiss, just because i'm a sentimental fool, and i think about him. I still love him, and i always will, but when things don't work, you need to do something about it. when things don't work the 2nd time around, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. i hope that he and i will be amazing friends in the future just as Jason and I are now. thanks to all of my friends for being so great through this once again. i'd implode without you all!
well, that's it for now. for those of you who care, i hope to keep this updated more often, and i'll fill everyone in on whats going on with me (whether you like it or not!)...
...adw
lets see, where to begin. in an episode reminiscent of almost exactly 1 year ago, TA (that's 'The Australian' for you all you newbies!) and I have broken up. I wish that I had a better reasoning than "it just wasn't working out", but thats really what it was. He was working too much, and I wanted too much, and neither of our needs were being met. once again, i had to break up with the man who i was in love with, and after putting so much into it for a year and a half, it was harder than i could have ever expected.
We haven't spoken since our breakup, which is how it should be. you can't seamlessly go from boyfriends to friends just like that, you know? you need time to like, grieve the relationship before you can accept someone as friends and friends only. i miss him horribly, and i think about him constantly. i wear the beautiful necklace that he gave me every day, and i think about him when i put it on. i even give it a little kiss, just because i'm a sentimental fool, and i think about him. I still love him, and i always will, but when things don't work, you need to do something about it. when things don't work the 2nd time around, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. i hope that he and i will be amazing friends in the future just as Jason and I are now. thanks to all of my friends for being so great through this once again. i'd implode without you all!
*CONTENT EDITED*
well, that's it for now. for those of you who care, i hope to keep this updated more often, and i'll fill everyone in on whats going on with me (whether you like it or not!)...
...adw
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