The Publicist Gets A Facial!

no, not that kind, you sick son of a bitch! a spa facial.

it's spaweek here in NYC, and I couldn't be happier. tons of spas in the city offer select services for only $50, which is a sweet deal for most of these places. to take advantage of the offer, i made myself an appointmet at a place called serenity spa at 26th and 6th for their 60-min anti-aging multi-vitamin facial. i don't really need anti-aging, seeing as to how i'm only 25, but the concept of a nice relaxing hour facial for only $50 is quite appealing to me. i figured i'll give this place a shot, even though i had never heard of it before, but i assumed that the spaweek people wouldn't allow some crap spa to join, so what the hell.

first of all, i made the appointment for 7pm, and even though it conflicted with this party for gotham magazine that i was going to go to, it was the only available time that they had. whatev. so they called me at 4:30 and asked me if i could push it back until 8pm. i said no, and that 7pm was ideal for me. they told me that they triple booked the time, and that they were sorry. i told them that i had cancelled other plans to make this appointment, and that i would be very upset if they were to shuffle me around or change the time. i told her i could come in earlier, around 6:15 if need be, but she said i should come in at 6:30.

i leave work, walk down there and got in at like 6:10, was introduced to the receptionist maria, told her i was early, and she was all happy to see me, telling me that it would be just a few minutes. 35 someodd minutes later they called me in and a really nice woman named maya told me to get situated and then started talking to me about facials, and if i use any products. well, i started with the laundry list of kiehls products and clinique for men stuff that i use, and this probably took up about 5 minutes. nothing really big, whatever. so she starts with the facial, which feels fucking amazing, and i was in heaven. i was already tired from a long day, and this facial was just making me so relaxed, it was just what i needed.

about 20-25 minutes go by, and i am in pure bliss. then all of a sudden Maya says "ok, we're done, i'll meet you outside." i was like "um...it's been 25 minutes!" i get dressed and walk out to the maria, and here's what transpired.

a: "why was the facial so short?"
m: "you were in there for an hour. plus, when we say 60-minute facial, its really 50-minutes, we leave 10 minutes for the customer to get undressed and ready"
say what?
a: "first of all, it was only 25 minutes, and i had timed it on my watch. plus, how i was on the phone with my friend marc for about 10 minutes on a call that ended at 6:43. i got undressed, got the facial, got redressed, so how was it now 7:20."
that ain't no hour bitch!
m: "well, mens facials take less time because women have more black heads to clean."
a: "well, the facial didn't include the extraction or anything."
m: "yes it did, when she steamed your face".
a: "um, she didn't even do that".
m: "well, i'm sorry about that, but what do you want me to do adam?"
a: "i want a full one hour facial, maria. i'm not paying you for anything less. you promise a service, i will pay for that service."
m: "well, maybe you should just not pay and leave here."

and so i did just that.