It’s been a mad mad couple of days for me. Where to begin...
Lets start with Thursday: I went to PopRocks with my boys. Dancing, drinking, open bar, good times. Well who should walk on in? the one person who I have been both waiting to see and avoiding all at the same time: TA. This was the moment that I feared, when I saw him at a bar. What made it worse was that I was dressed mighty shabbily, and of course he looked great. he was there with the guy who we had both gone on a date with a few months ago, which answered my question as to whether they were still hanging out, and made me feel better about telling him that I can’t be friends with him, even though I really enjoyed his company...
So I ran. Quickly said my goodbyes to all my friends and ran downstairs from the roof. I stopped and called jill. I needed some advice. Do I leave, do I say hi? Well, I decided that this was my golden moment. If I didn’t go say hello, then I would regret it. So I used my liquid courage (did I mention the open bar?) and said hi. We chatted for a little bit, then decided to take a walk. We walked, sat on a stoop, and I laid it on the line. I said everything that I had to say. I cried a bit (again, did I mention the open bar?), I probably made a fool of myself, but I don’t regret it for one minute. I needed to get out what I said. He, being him, walked me all the way home from the bar. It was uncomfortable but it was good. I said I would contact him sometime in the future.
Friday I basically had a minor nervous breakdown while in Long Island for work (by myself), while I was processing my encounter with TA, although I'm better now.
Saturday morning, I’m on the phone will jill chatting about our European extravaganza (we’re going to Amsterdam now too!! Woohoo!), and I get a text from TA asking if I want to catch up. Why did he text me?! I was planning on waiting a while to speak with him again, but he texted me! I guess it was a sign that he didn't want to avoid me, and that made me feel better about it all...
After some deep thought and counseling from Jill and Lil’ Steve (and going against their suggestions), we met up for coffee and took a walk through the village and to the river. It was actually really nice. We shopped a bit and then grabbed some lunch at Murray's and shopped some more. Yes, there were awkward moments, but I am very glad that I saw him. We chatted about dating other people, moving on in life, and making new memories, something i've been striving to do. He has new friends and a new car, but he's still the same old TA.
I was concerned that the lingering feelings that I had for him would rebound me back to la-la land, and I would be hurting more because seeing him would remind me that I can’t be with him. As much as those feelings are indeed still there to some extent (and may never go way), I don’t think that us hanging out was a bad idea. Being with him just reminded me of who he is, and why I care about him. I will contact him sometime down the line because we both would like to be in each other’s lives, but right now I think that I need a little more time to process it all, ya know? I don't know when that will be, but hopefully soon.
Thank you again TA, you are a very special person, and I am looking forward to the day that we can be good friends.
Saturday night was the Night of a Thousand Parties, as I had 3 to go to, and they were all equally fun! Last night Jill and I went to pianos to go see my friend matt perform. I have never been able to see him with a live band backing him and playing his own music, and it was awesome. Matt is so unbelievably talented, and I feel honored to know him. Here are some fun pics!
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