my birthday is this coming friday, and i am turning 28. i am looking forward to it, but like always, when this time of year comes, i fall into this deep dark hole. i get upset, i get moody, and i feel alone. i don't know, maybe its because it's different this year, but the holidays are rough for me. i always get emotional around, but it's harder now. the past 2 years i had an amazing man in my life. a companion, a lover, a friend, and now i don't have that. i don't have the person who i told i loved on new years in 2005. i don't have the person who i crawled into bed with every night and was held by. i miss that. as i try to move on and move forward its this time of year that i slow down and regroup and get emotional and upset and remember what i am missing. you try and focus on the positives of what you have in your corner, but i don't have so much right now. no job, no significant other. no one to curl up with and tell me that all the bad stuff will pass. i wish that i could say that its been getting easier, this getting over TA thing, but it's not. especially this time of year.
some of my friends are slowly showing their true colors and once again, i question my friendships with some of them. i feel left out of things and i feel like once again, i'm being put on the back burner by some people. everyone seems to always be having a good time, and telling fun stories, and i am not a part of those stories because i am not called or invited. am i that bad of a person? did i do something to hurt or upset them? i really don't think that i did. i feel like i give so much to some people, and i am warm and welcoming and i get shafted in return. i don't know why i put up with some of this, i really don't.
new years is coming and its time for me to reflect on the people in my life. some are in my life for good, and some do nothing but cause me pain. it's time to end that.
1 comment:
dearest ad. if you dont hear from me, dont think youre missing out. im just a lazy bitch who was lucky enough to find another lazy bitch to spend my time with. i do miss the fun times we used to have when we were all singletons and our biggest decision was who was packing the next bowl. you gotta know that youre awesome and you add so much fun to any gathering or outing youre at. no need to be all down and blue... and this is coming from the mayor of down and blue city. everybody loves adam! you should love you too :)
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