ugh, its been a crazy couple of days for me, i won't lie. I had to serve jury duty for a few days which was interesting, yes, but very arduous. I got out of it fortunately, so now I’m backlogged at work, which is no fun.

i think that i am making progress in my life. my relationship is over, and slowly i think i am getting over it. sure, some people will say "well, you broke up 2.5 months ago, you should be over it by now!", but i think that its ok to take time to get over someone you love. i wrote abuot this last year, and i stick by what i said. i think that i can take as much time as i need to get through this.

honestly, i feel like every two steps that i take forward in my life, i'm always taking one back. (i am soooo not referencing paula abdul). I’m trying to move forward with things, but I feel like there are always stumbling blocks. For instance: *CONTENT EDITED* , and we are at the La Brea Tar Pits, and immediately I think of TA because we went there together last December. looking at hotels for my stay i came across the hotel we stayed at, and the one that he wanted to stay at. I can’t help to think of him in so much that I do, because everything about my life since Sept-05 was about him. I care(d) about him so much, and think about him all the time.

Yes, I still wear my "jew star" necklace he gave me every day and I still always give it a lil kiss when I put it on. Someone asked me why I still wear it, and honestly, besides the fact that its beautiful, it makes me think of TA. Is this a bad thing? Is this causing me to take a step back? Maybe, but you can forget the past and those who touched your heart.

Last night I had a crazy dream, and TA called me saying something like “I know you told me to call you when I needed some bud, so hi, how are you”…the conversation went on, and it was a mad long dream. I basically expressed how I miss him and how I miss us, but I know that there can’t be an "us" anymore, and it just made me upset. Then there was something with a chipmunk in the dream. Yeah, it was a weird dream to say the least....

Anyway, I think that after this crazy weekend of pride and our big-ass luau that we have planned at the 262, I’m hoping that in the next month or so, I will be able to muster up the strength to know that I can call him and speak to him as a friend, and so that we avoid that chance that we will awkwardly run into each other at a bar somewhere.

I just want to walk forward, one step at a time, and not look back.